By our Jedi oath, we are huge fan boys of the entire mythology but this thing has been messing up our mind and we need to let it out of our chest before we can move on with our lives.

By now, if you haven’t watched TFA we say ‘Nasiblah’ and if you’re the type who has no clue what the acronym stands for, we’re doing you a huge favour. This piece is going to be so rich with spoilers, you won’t bother spending your hard earned money to watch Disney’s billion dollar cash cow.

Let us be frank. We’re thrilled to call it the Star Wars of this generation, but it’s not to the point of us declaring it GREAT. There were so much expectation riding on this movie that made the studio realise we are all suckers for the original trilogy.

Disney being an American institution has covered all the mainstream cultural loopholes effectively – a Caucasian female for a protagonist (heroic, mysterious, passionate, talented, under resourced). One black supporting actor with very important role (also to provide most of the comic relief), a few Asian extras with loads of scripts (Oriental looking by US standard), one emotionally broken male Caucasian for a super villain (with a prolific ability to wet his cheeks before committing a tragic and predictable act). And off course, an entire host of bad guys with British accent.

Don’t tell us you can’t figure out that Han was bound to perish the moment he told Leia he’s getting Kylo (aka Ben) back home. And that moment when Finn (the important black actor) puts on Poe’s jacket, he’s destined to be the Han Solo reimagined.

And that’s where it all starts to get very much predictable.

Jakku the dune planet that hosted our protagonist is a throwback to Tatooine. A watering hole in the planet Takodana patroned by extra-terrestrial thugs and scums of the system is reminiscent of the infamous Mos Eisley Cantina. One sinister boss-of-bosses in the form of a hologram called Supreme Leader Snoke is a definite Palpatine successor. A climax where an old war-hero getting slain by the iconic villain inside a military power complex being witnessed helplessly by the protagonist is taken stright from the pages of Episode 4. And don’t get me started on the droids.

Based on those juxtaposition, there are plots where we can predict for the two coming installments. TFA practically took chapter after chapter of storylines from Episode 4 to satisfy the thirst of grass roots fan boys and expectation of the new generation of mainstream geeksters.

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Image taken from Flickr image

Of course there were many unresolved and interesting plots left to the imagination. What’s the deal with Snoke? How did Maz Kanata get hold of Luke’s old weapon? And how could Rey (the protagonist) muster so much Force in a moment’s notice? Was she trained before? Is she the one who will bring balance to whatever Force that’s left?

All this untapped stories are the reason Disney made this 4 billion dollar purchase. It’s a content rich franchise that will get us buzzing at least for another 2 decades. We hate to address TFA as a franchise, but what made it worst is, it felt appropriate.

We’re no movie dweeb with too much time on our hands to write an entire Quora blog about TFA’s theories. But here are some points that we can speculate:

  • Rey will either be a sister OR a cousin of Kylo Ren. It’ll be in the context of a long-lost daughter of Han+Leia OR a long abandoned daughter of Luke (for speculative reasons).
  • Kylo Ren will obviously die at the end (having repent himself and kill a common enemy – one Supreme Leader Snoke).
  • Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac – a good actor) will battle it out with Captain Phasma (Brienne of Tarth from GoT – she’s better that way).
  • Luke currently holds the position of Yoda – living in seclusion for the epic failure he thought he committed. For that, he’ll die naturally, be one with the force and will be spiritually guiding Rey in her coming quest.
  • Finn will face a temporary tragic episode at the hands of some galactic mafiosi and will be saved by Rey. The two might have a fling but not sure to what end.
  • The next episode will be about Rey’s training with Luke and how her training is short-lived by her visions of Finn or Leia getting into trouble.
  • There will be characters in the likes of Ewoks, Lando Carlissian, Boba Fett and Jabba the Hut for the coming episodes.
  • There might be one incest inspired kissing scene. Why not. They’ve done it 30 years ago and GoT pulled it gracefully.

Probably all this rant is a product of us not being able to watch it in the right cinema, sans the right crowd and ambience. But as far as prediction goes, we awfully hope that our forecasts are wrong and the next franchise (aduh) will be ultimately unpredictable.

But no matter how ‘ok’ TFA was, we would still go and watch it again and again. Like any fan boys, we write this because we simply care. Now that it’s off our chest,  we felt so much better. So, enough of Star Wars and let’s all get back to work.

May the Force be with us all.